One Betrayal Was Enough
Don’t punish your own body for someone else’s betrayal; one betrayal was enough.
In this article, I am going to let my door of vulnerability open a little wider and share my personal story to make my case for why Fitness and Faith must go together if we want a strong, healthy, and happy body.
Because I grew up in a communist country, until the age of 23 I was a firm nonbeliever — just like, sadly, my whole generation and the generations after us in all the Eastern European communist countries. At age 23, I came to the U.S., and because of life’s circumstances, I faced challenges that forced me to go “deeper” than relying solely on my education and academic thinking. I opened the door to let God into my life, and it wasn’t due to a naive hope (like closing my eyes and crossing my fingers and hoping good things would happen or bad things would disappear). My belief in God was based on common sense, on the same logical and analytical thinking I used when I was solving mathematical or science problems. How else can we explain unconditional love than as an infinite number, or energy that never ends? God makes so much sense!
However, I wouldn’t say that finding God, my Higher Power, was an overnight transformation. The process was more like very, very slowly tasting the water: the first time, it was literally just dipping in my toe.
As I kept searching “deeper” for the answers and trying to understand my Higher Power (WHO and WHAT is God?), I was moving deeper and farther into the ocean, letting the water reach my ankles and knees. Although I embraced the spiritual life, I stopped halfway through: I merged into the water, but only up to my waist. I didn’t trust the water/HIM enough to merge completely.
So, for the following years, I lived life as a half-believer… until I had to face another of life’s big challenges. While competing in professional fitness competitions, I developed an eating disorder, which I assumed I would be able to get under control as soon as I stopped competing. But it didn’t quite happen that way: I battled with my eating and body hate issues for ten years. Even knowing all the right eating plans, diets, and exercises — all the tricks and secrets — nothing helped me to get my body and mind healthy… until finally, I let God help me. The pain brought me to my knees, and this time I was ready to merge fully into the water. I deeply believe that, if we want to keep our bodies fit and healthy and eat a balanced and healthy diet (without struggles), the only sustainable way is through Faith and Fitness.
This Faith and Fitness principle is so deeply imprinted into a healthy lifestyle that no storm could root out the love for your body or betray it with a night of giving in to a “food avalanche.” This principle is based on love and respect for your body; therefore, the bumps along life’s road, like betrayal, job loss, and relationship problems, will never overpower your mind and body. Because of this principle, I was able to resist and not give in to my second (even bigger) pain. After 20 years of building my dream, my world suddenly crashed in on me. Again, I was on my knees, and with my dreams collapsing around me, I could have easily gone back to my poor eating. I had a great excuse to justify the behavior: betrayal and cheating are painful, and ice cream is a great numbing aid (well, at least for one night). I could have just kept numbing myself with comfort food 24/7.
However, I knew what it took to finally have my healthy body back. I still remember the mental and emotional pain of waking up in the morning feeling ashamed of my body and lacking any Light during those sad years. There was no way I could have handled that previous pain combined with the new pain from the broken trust. It would have been much easier to stop the pain with ice cream or food, but I refused to deal with two pains at the same time. I stayed loyal to myself and my body; I didn’t want to create double jeopardy for myself by betraying myself after being betrayed by someone else. One pain was enough.
Because of that full merge into the water, I was able to avoid all temptations to escape to the Lonely-Endless-Eating-Night Island. During the hardest days and weeks of my life, I still took care of my body. I worked out and ate healthily (and never stopped: I still do! ). Actually, I was even more motivated and brought my workout sessions to the next level, growing even closer to God through feeling good and being proud of my body. This new perspective helped me to go through the toughest times and heal the second pain. (Boy, how good it felt, punching and kicking the punching bag while picturing the face of betrayal right in the middle! ) It was Faith/God and Fitness that helped me to stay rooted and not let the storm knock me down.
That full merge into the ocean, the complete trust in HIM, allowed me to swim all the way into the midst of the ocean and stay away from the debris and junk of the shore. I can’t tell you how good it feels to swim freely, knowing that I will never drown. There is no debris (like collapsed dreams, cheating, divorce, break up, job loss, etc.) big enough to overpower HIS love for me and HIS desire for me to succeed — and the same goes for you!
With Faith and Fitness, there is no storm strong enough, no debris big enough, to bring you down and shut off your Light.
Stick with Faith and Fitness and keep your Light ON! You never know who will need to follow your LIGHT all the way HOME.
Love & Light
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Please check out my articles related to this story:
And if you are interested in receiving coaching from me or just want to chat about my article and journey please feel free to email me at: heavenlybodyafter40@gmail.com
