Is your victim mindset controlling you?
How does failing to realize your victimhood mentality sabotage your weight loss?
With twenty-plus years in the fitness world and two teenage children, I have quickly come to the realization that the biggest cause of failure to make it to the “finish line” of those personal goals we set for ourselves is a victimhood mentality. And I see this most often when it comes to losing weight and eating healthy food. However, before you get upset with me (for daring to tell you that, although you have been working out so hard, the reason why you haven’t seen the results is your victimhood mentality), please hear me out. I am not talking about the obvious ‘first layer’ victimhood we see quite often around us. I am talking about the ‘second layer’ that other people can’t see — and of which you are not even aware. In fact, you don’t even realize you are choosing the role of the victim.
I will give you one example that comes up most often when my clients and I discuss — I call it “dissect” — their food choices after a bad day (some of my clients call it a “shitty day”). After one gal told me what had happened to her that day, I admitted my client had experienced a truly “shitty day.” However, I told her that by steering away from her plan to go to the gym after work and going instead to her favorite Chinese food place, she had let her coworker — the cause of her shitty day — win. Not only that, but she had let the coworker win twice: once in the office, and the second time at the Chinese food restaurant.
You see, I am not obsessed with sticking to the workout plan at all costs. I actually don’t believe in iron-discipline working out. We need to listen to our bodies, and when the body asks us to take a break, we should listen. Also, we should be flexible in our minds and not “freak out” if something unexpected happens and we are not able to make it to the gym; there is always the next day. However, I truly believe that there is no more important time to exercise and stick to our workout plan than after a shitty day. First of all, you have so much energy boiling up inside of you that needs to be used, and if you don’t use it at the gym or on the trail, you know it will eventually come out somewhere else — and it can take the shitty day to the next level. Second, in the very moment when you are trying to make up your mind between gym and pizza, pizza and gym…it is your most victorious moment of the day if you choose the gym. However, if you choose pizza, it is like throwing in the towel and giving up — which is the “second layer” victimhood mentality of which I spoke at the beginning of my story. You choose to be the victim, and you allow the coworker to be the winner. And you do it not just once, but twice.
My daughter did competitive gymnastics, and her biggest challenge was the beam. Although she was so graceful on that beam, she felt the most fear while practicing her tumbling skills. During practice, when gymnasts would fall from the beam while performing a challenging skill, they had to immediately get right back up on that beam and successfully execute the same skill or jump over again right away — or else they were not allowed to move on with the practice. Many times, gymnasts struggled to repeat the move due to fear of falling again; however, they wouldn’t go home without completing the task. It was important that a gymnast didn’t leave the gym feeling defeated by the skill.
I am not the food police, and I don’t believe in super-clean food choices one hundred percent of the time (it is so hard to do; I don’t know about you, but I can’t do it. I need my little cheat days). However, when we go into binge mode because of an ex, a boss, a cheating boyfriend, a coworker, or gossiping friends, that’s like raising a white flag and completely giving up on our values. (If you want to learn how emotional eating affects your digestion, please read this article: Mindful Eating.) We let all those people who have hurt us win, by adopting that second layer of victimhood mentality without even realizing we’re doing it.
Just like the gymnasts, it is important for us not to let a bad day defeat us. On those bad days, it is most important for us to stick to our plan. That plan is not just the gym — that plan is YOU: loyalty to yourself, to your body, to your health.
Don’t let those who hurt you win. When you choose the gym and the healthy food, you choose for YOU to win. Don’t let those days (and people) extinguish your Light. Make it the opposite: shine it even brighter and have a kickass workout.
For more tips or personalized coaching please contact me at: heavenlybodyafter40@gmail.com
